


THE 9 REALMS MADNESS!

by HelaThorLoki



Category: Marvel
Genre: Hela - Freeform, Loki - Freeform, Thor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 4,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23370085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelaThorLoki/pseuds/HelaThorLoki
Summary: Involving The Asgardian Stooges! Hela, Thor, and Loki! And maybe some other characters!
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

Most normal family had a normal THANKSGIVNG dinner, but this family here aren't very normal. Thor eats like pig (which he gets it from Odin who got it from Bor and so forth) and Loki eats like gentleman (which he gets that from Frigga and Hela). Not only the eating part was problem for Loki to put up with, but there were other issues during dinner hours that Loki HATED. Dishes getting smashed while hollering "ANOTHER!" on the top of their lungs and tables being turned over, breaking even more dishes. 

Normal families don't like wild beasts or pigs. They eat normally. But if one lives in Asgard, well, they may want to reconsider the table manners. Before the dinner table wars breaks out. 

Well, the Asgardian Palace of Odin was one of the perfect examples of a dysfunctional family during meal times. More like chaos and madness. Even the Avengers aren't so sure if they would survive this Thanksgiving dinner this year, or not. 

"Thor! Can't you eat like a normal Asgardian? You, Bor, Father, Fandral, Volstagg, and Hogun are always eating like PIGS!" Loki scowled at his older brother, wishing that Thor could eat normally and act like a normal person for once during meal times. He was beyond fed up to where he wanted to give Thor something. And that something can vary, depending how angry Loki can get. 

'Even Mother and Father argues about this all the time. If only Father would just stop eating like a wild beast, because Mother and Hela are constantly begging for him to stop. Which now, it's me and Thor tonight. Maybe Hela. I don't know why Father finds this amusing while Mother is trying so hurt not to cry.' Loki thought to himself. He always thinks to himself while in deep thoughts, so nobody would know what he was thinking about.

"It's traditional, brother. You and Mother and Hela are far too normal. You should try it!" Thor said encouragingly, talking with his mouth full, crumbs flying out from his mouth and landing on the table, causing Hela to gag. 

"HEY! I heard that! I maybe the oldest sibling, but I'm on Loki's side for this! Admit it, Thor, you're a PIG EATER!" Hela shouted. 

'I think Loki and Hela are over-reacting. Just like Mother over-reacts with Father. I mean, come on! Who doesn't like eating freely?' Thor thought to himself with pridefullness behind his smile. 

Loki looked disgusted, thinking this eating like a PIG has gone too far and he wanted changes. He slammed his fist on the table, causing the water glass to jump. "No, brother! This isn't how you eat! Can't you eat with your mouth closed and eat like a normal person would?" Loki snapped, scooting his plate and glass away from Thor, not wanting Thor's crumbs on his side of the table. 

"I'm an Avenger and you're just an exvillain who can't think straightly yet." Thor muttered, but Loki managed to hear it and he wasn't very happy at all. "I heard that and I'm not a villain! You have no idea what's like in the realm of monsters!" Loki said, wanting to lunge at Thor and wrestle him while giving him a PROPER ETIQUETTE LECTURE.

Thor snorted into laughter. "You see? You can't even tell us what these monsters are." He was drunk since the Dare from IronMan (Tony Stark) and the Warriors (Volstagg, Fandral, Hogun, and Sif). Which the stuff he says offends Loki when drunk. 

"Thor Odinson, this isn't funny! You have no idea what monsters can do to us! You and your friends are full of pride and tall-tales! And you can't even get half the stories right half of the time!" Hela scowled at her younger Brother. 

'That's it!' Loki thought to himself, standing up and lunging at Thor, knocking both of them on the floor, wrestling and the lecture had just began. Loki had a mouthful of words all right as he managed to pin Thor to the ground. "I can't stand your eating habits and you wanting to break things in the palace, brother! You will have a proper etiquette class! Even if I have chain you to the column to make you stay put!" Loki said, managing to get Thor's attention, breaking the drunkness spell. "Otherwise, somebody would have to baby feed you. That's if you try to escape." 

Thor panicked when Loki said about baby feeding him. He didn't want to be treated like a baby, but then, he didn't want to make his younger brother more angrier than he already was. 'Fine.' Thor thought to himself in defeat. "Get off of me, brother! I'm not a child!" 

Hela slammed the big knife on the turkey and went to separate the brothers. "Stop it you two! Fighting isn't the answer!" She yelled, grabbing a hold of Thor and Loki by their capes tightly, trying to get them to sit down, but the Brothers ignored their older Sister. 

"The proper etiquette lessons starts tonight." Loki said to Thor, seriously, but with a mischievous smile. Which Thor didn't see the mischievous behind it. 

Which that was a good thing, because Loki didn't want Thor's type of wrestling at all. (Because Thor's type of wrestling always end up injuring is partner and that doesn't go very well when it comes to either Dr. Bruce Banner, or Dr. Stephen Strange, or Lady Eir.) While Loki's type only involves scaring his partners and slightly hurting, but not enough to send them to the ER. 

"You will not eat like a pig or any wild beast! You will not talk with your mouth full! You will not smash any dishes while hollering, "ANOTHER!" on the top of your lungs! Instead you kindly ask a servant for another drink or something. Not yelling at the table. You will not turn over the banquette tables when angry about our parents and their decisions! That breaks more dishes! Instead you take deep breaths to calm down and talk things over with someone." Loki lectured, not realizing that he was also yelling in anger. 

Thor didn't dare speak a word, but just stared at his brother. Not only he was being lectured at, but Frigga was giving Odin more than just a mouthful of words. No, Odin was chained to a column, humiliated by the facts of being taught how to eat. All the Asgardians turned to watch the scene. Even Valkyrie was watching with Heimdall, Eir, Sif, and the Warriors 3 (Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral) at the table across from The Odinson's. 

"And here's more of my version of PROPER ETIQUETTE, you can't beat the crap of the doctors out! Seriously, brother! That's so immature of you and know better!" Loki said, slightly snapping at Thor. 

"How did you know about my hospital escape? And why bother bringing it up?" Thor asked, stunned. 

"Your wife named Jane Foster told me the other day. I was so furious when she told me the details." Loki replied, recalling the details. "You threw them against the walls, punching them, and running away. What were you thinking?!" But Loki didn't let Thor explain as he went back to his lecture.

Hela laughed a little, but she had to hold her younger Brothers back while the Avengers stared at the Asgardians in shock. Odin was laughing so hard that it sounded like he was dying from laughter while being humiliated. Frigga, on the other hand, looked like she was going to start crying any minute now.


	2. Holiday

There were three Asgardians (Hela, Thor, and Loki) sitting by the fireplace, avoiding their parents who were, yet again, arguing about something, so the threesome started talking about the most embarrassing family time during YULE.

“There are some things we can’t forget, like the time when we did the strangest Yule.” Loki recalled, earning groans from his older siblings. 

“Like the time when Odin dressed as St. Nick (Santa Claus), making poor Mother as Mrs. Claus, calling Laufey Frosty The Snowman, calling MaleKith and his army Yule Elves, using the 8-legged horse and Hela’s giant wolf as reindeer, and the worse part is…” Loki paled as white as ghost. 

Hela and Thor tried so hard not to choke-spit their hot-chocolate.  
“…Odin put horrifying Yule decorations on our helmets and made us wear them!” Loki said in fright. “IT WAS VERY EMBARRASSING!”

What they didn’t know is that the Avengers were overhearing the situations and laughed about in the other room. 


	3. Nature Sounds.

(A newer fan fiction.) 

The sun was setting and the three unhappy Asgardian siblings walked along the unusual pathway to an unknown forest. 

"AARRGGHH! I can't believe Mother and Father made the three of us go to this weird looking forest!" Thor boomed, complaining about the punishment from Odin and Frigga to get Hela, Thor, and Loki to get along and not kill each other in the process. "What if monsters come out at night and harm us? Just like the ghost stories around the campfire?" 

"It's not our fault that the All Father lied to us for MANY YEARS of our lives!" Loki snapped, hating the idea about camping in nature as he recalled many things going wrong when surrounded by nature. As the Avengers had put it back then. "Nature has two sides. One good and one bad. So which side are we going to experience tonight?" 

"Will you two just PIPE DOWN! I'm the oldest and I say what goes!" Hela shouted, startling her younger brothers before finding a spot. "We'll stay here all night or two, under this huge tree and right next to this water. We'll be safe here, and as much as I hate the idea, we're stuck here until our royal parents say we can go home and make things right." 

Later that night, after they had their own tents set up, the three of them sat around the campfire, planning for their get along nature fun while being stuck on their punishment. At least it was better than death and banishment. 

Suddenly, they heard strange natural sounds in the distance, sounds that they've never heard before in their life, and it startled them. Even when the moonlight barely reached through the tree branches, the trees looked so different in the dark, making everything look the same in every direction, so anyone could get lost if hiking at night without a flashlight. The sounds were too much for Hela and Thor, so they hid in their own tents, leaving Loki outside alone. 

'Cowards.' Loki thought, walking towards the sounds, wanting to know where they came from, unaware of his surroundings. The tree branches had their own scary shadows that would trick people's minds into thinking there were monsters roaming about. A trig snapped and Loki gasped, freezing in fear for a moment. 'It's just a twig.' He told himself as birds flew from the trees while the owls hooted. 'Maybe the campfire ghost stories are true. Maybe the monsters are here to hurt us.' He thought as the wolves howled in the distance. 

Back at camp, Hela thought of something. 'Wait. I'm the oldest and I should be the one protecting my brothers. And what am I doing? Hiding in my tent! I need to check on my brothers.' She crawled out from her tent and stood up only to have Thor run into her with worry. "Loki's missing!" Thor blurted. 

Hela went hysteric "We need to find him! I'm such a terrible sister! He's all alone and lost and and!" 

"Wait. Something tells me he went to find the sounds from this place." Thor recalled, hearing shrieking and roaring in a distance. 

The sounds were enough for Hela and Thor to run in the same direction as Loki went, and they had high hopes in finding him while working together as a team. Only to have Loki running in hysteric towards them. "RUN! THERE ARE MONSTERS HERE!" 

If only the birds and the animals could talk like humans, they would be laughing like hyena just by watching the three Asgardians going insane with all the nature sounds in all the Nine Realms Of Asgard.


	4. Back In Time

(I wasn't sure where I was going with this one when I wrote it. Also a newer fanfiction.) 

"They did say this clock is magical and known for taking people back in time to make things right." Odin said to himself, staring at the clock, already knowing what he must do to make things right for his broken and dysfunctional family. A wife who he has hurt so bad with his own hateful words, a daughter that's a psycho killer, a son who nearly killed the entire Jotunheim, and an adoptive son who lost his identity (and now he couldn't tell if he's an Asgardian or a midget Frost Giant). Oh the pain he caused upon his family and himself. He had to make right. 

Following the directions to make the magical clock, Odin found himself back in time to make things right. It took him back in time where Hela was his first child, but instead of painting Asgard with blood and death, he was helping understand that she would be a big sister when her baby brother was born. Plus another big surprise later. Little Hela was excited to be a big sister. When the day came, baby Thor was born and a about a year later, baby Loki came to the family (through adoption). The blue baby boy brought joy to the family before he changed to an Asgardian color. 

As the years went on, instead of Odin being the psycho boss, he was more of a father to his three children. And instead of having NIGHTLY BICKERING FIGHTS with Frigga night after night, he treated her like she was a person. When Hela, Thor, and Loki grew up, they almost got themselves killed at the Bifrost, but Odin managed to prevent them from falling off the bridge. He prevented Hela from falling to her death, he kept Thor from falling into Midgard, and he saved Loki from falling into the Abyss. 

When it was over, Odin returned to the world where the clock was, and he noticed his family standing there, waiting for him, so they all could have fun.


	5. ANOTHER GAME!

It was evening at the Avengers Tower, all the Avengers(including: Loki, Hela, Bucky, Scarlet, QuickSilver, and Vision) were on their last round of playing Poker with Monopoly money. Just as they were finishing up the game, Thor bellowed, "ANOTHER!" Causing everyone to jump in startle with a flinch. 

"Seriously Thor! If Jane Foster was here, she'll slap you until you're out unconcious!" Loki hollered, sending Thor death glares.   
"If I say ANOTHER! Then, I want ANOTHER!" Thor yelled.   
"You're such a BIG BABY sometimes Oaf!" Loki shouted, slamming his fists on the table, causing the glasses to jump. 

The Avengers looked at each other and then back at the brothers. Who where literally screaming insults at each other in Old Norse in rage. 

“WOULD YOU TWO PIPE DOWN! IT’S JUST A MIDGARDIAN GAME FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!” Hela scolded. 

Thor shot up and without thinking, he placed his hands under the table and threw the table completely over. Causing the glasses to shatter loudly and all the game pieces hit the ground while the other game pieces flew all over the room. 

The Avengers ducked down when the glass shattered. They didn't want the glass to cut them or worse. 

Loki growled in rage at Thor and shoved him on the clean, glass-free floor, and pinned him on the ground. "THIS IS MADNESS THOR! YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS ODIN AND BOR ALL TOGETHER!" Loki roared. 

Thor and Loki were back into wrestling and bickering while the Avengers quietly cleaned up the mess. While they were cleaning up, they needed to think of a plan to keep the brothers from TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER. 

On the main floor, in the boss office, Nick Fury and Phil Coulson could hear Thor's and Loki's on-going fightings through the HEATER VENTS, including Hela’s roaring voice. 

“STOP IT! WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOU TWO! YOU’RE FAR WORSE THAN MIDGARDIAN PRESCHOOLERS!” Hela then grabbed a hold of her youngest brother and threw him on the floor, and got in between them with her scary angry face that was far scarier than Odin’s angry face.


	6. Flying Ship

It seems like Thor and Loki can't even follow their so-called father's orders. Of course, why would anyone want to be around Odin the Grumpy Old Man who doesn't think before he speaks? The brothers were beyond fed up with Odin and they snuck out of the palace at night. 

So, the two brothers 'borrowed' the abandoned Dark Elf ship for their next escaping adventure. After they got in, the door closed itself. Unfortunately, Thor wanted to fly it first. Loki, on the other hand, had a bad feeling that his insane Oaf brother was going to crash into buildings and smashing into things and beheading the BOR statue. 

"Let me fly it." Loki said calmly.   
"No! I want to!" Thor whined.   
"YOU ALMOST KILLED US ON THAT LAST FLIGHT WE DID AND YOU'RE SO RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THOSE WRECKS YOU MADE WITH OUR SHIP!" Loki yelled.   
"Since when you became the best backseat driver?" Thor asked. 

Thor and Loki were at it again. Bickering for no reason while flying the ship. Thor was back to crashing into things and Loki screamed at Thor for being a horrible flying ship pilot. While they were arguing, neither one of them payed any attention to the BOR statue until they hit it. Beheading the statue as they flew by. 

"Now what look you did!" Loki shouted.  
"You're the one who won't shut up!" Thor hollered. 

Loki lunged at Thor, knocking him over and wrestled him. Thor tried to push Loki off of him, but failed.

"I'll be sure to tell the Avengers that you're NOT allowed to drive their SHIELD trucks because of you're horrible flying/driving skills." Loki said.   
"No you wouldn't." Thor complained. 

The brothers kept bickering and wrestling during their night time escape. But they didn't know who was driving the ship. 

It was a Dark Elf driving the ship, ignoring Thor's and Loki's on-going fighting. And then screamed in startled with a new angry voice. 

“KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!” Hela hollered, scaring the life out of Thor and Loki as they turned to face their angry older sister, not knowing how she ended up on THEIR SHIP, but before they could say anything, she split them up and pinned them on ship wall, using her blades to keep them there. 

Hela had followed them like a spy and learned some things from Frigga when she was younger. 

“Can’t we just get a long for a change? And to you!” Hela snapped at the frightened Dark Elf. “Fly this thing and watch out for the Flying Doughnut (The Black Order ship)!” 

The Dark Elf squeaked in fear and started flying the ship, almost hitting Ebony Maw’s Doughnut ship. “HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU’RE FLYING, YOU INSANE DARK ELF DRIVER!” Ebony Maw snapped.


	7. FUNNY!

LOKI: *hugging a tree while wailing* YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO OUT THERE TO FIGHT THANOS! HE'LL BURY ME ALIVE!

THOR: *yanks Loki* YOU WILL GO OUT TO FIGHT THANOS! OR I SWEAR TO THE NORNS WILL MAKE YOU DO "GET HELP!" AGAINST YOUR WILL!

ULTRON: *cradles Tony Stark like a baby* MY FAVORITE CHILD! JUST LOOK AT HIM! HE'S SO CUTE AND ADORABLE! AND HE'S MY CHILD!

TONY STARK: *help me face*

THANOS: *holds LOKI by the cape* AIN'T MY CHILD CUTE AND ADORABLE? HE'S BETTER THAN GAMORA AND NEBULA PUT TOGETHER!

LAUFEY AND ODIN: *attacks THANOS*

LOKI: *hides in the toy box, not realizing that Hela and Thor were already hiding in there*

ULTRON: YOU SEE CHILD? YOU'RE THE WINNER! *puts Tony Stark in the crib and attacks Thanos* 

TONY STARK: *climbs out of the crib and joins Loki in the toy box with Hela and Thor*


	8. FirePlace Talk!

https://78.media.tumblr.com/1d53f13c87043f68b849411ce170ceb5/tumblr_oz4cqcdnpp1qhoe3vo1_500.gif

There were three Asgardians (Hela, Thor, and Loki) sitting by the fireplace, avoiding their parents who were, yet again, arguing about something, so the threesome started talking about the most embarrassing family time during YULE.

"There are some things we can't forget, like the time when we did the strangest Yule." Loki recalled, earning groans from his older siblings. 

"Like the time when Odin dressed as St. Nick (Santa Claus), making poor Mother as Mrs. Claus, calling Laufey Frosty The Snowman, calling MaleKith and his army Yule Elves, using the 8-legged horse and Hela's giant wolf as reindeer, and the worse part is..." Loki paled as white as ghost. 

Hela and Thor tried so hard not to choke-spit their hot-chocolate.

"...Odin put horrifying Yule decorations on our helmets and made us wear them!" Loki said in fright. "IT WAS VERY EMBARRASSING!"

What they didn't know is that the Avengers were overhearing the situations and laughed about in the other room.


	9. Loki’s Pep-Talk with Val

"I can't give Ebony any children. I can't. And I'm not even sure if he wants adopted children or not." Val ranted to Loki sadly. "I know he loves me and I love him, but I just can't give him something by natural, biological birth children." By this point, Val broke down crying. "And I can't expect you to understand what we women go through." 

Since Loki was a far more good listener than Thor, he usually has some people to answer, but not everyday though. Which he was ok with it. Though, he wasn't sure how to answer about certain pregnancy issue, he was sure that Ebony Maw would be all right with it, knowing that his former enemy had changed over the years thanks to (Reader Name).

"I'm sure, your husband would understand, Brunnhilde." Loki said after thinking about it throughly. 

"Don't call me Brunnhilde! You know full well I only go by Val!" Val said too suddenly. 

"My apologies." Loki apologized. 

Val sighed. "So it doesn't matter if we have adopted children or not?" 

"No, just as long as you both tell them the truth and not hide their true identity." Loki replied with a warning. 

When they were done talking, Val left the room feeling more confident than ever, but Loki on the other hand, realized that he had a BASIC FIRST AID class he was suppose to teach. Now he was thinking, 'What in the 9 Realms have I gotten myself into? Well, at least I would have a little help.'


	10. First Aid Class Madness

As soon as Loki walked into the room, he noticed Thor, Jane, and (Reader Name) were waiting for him. Even the students were waiting for him, including Hela, Koen (The Other), Thanos, and Ebony Maw (the rest of The Black Order, Nebula, and Gamora were working at Avengers Tower, but Ebony had stayed in Asgard).

'Great Norns. Just great.' Loki thought, hiding the fact that he felt a little uneasy about having his former enemies sitting on the floor. 

Loki then proceeded the lesson. Though there were times he had to help calm the students down when they have a panic attack during some of the lessons. Which a few of them took awhile when Koen (The Other) and Ebony Maw couldn’t calm down, not knowing how to calm down. 

In which, somehow, the first aid class became very interesting for the entire day.


	11. Chapter 11

INFANT MADNESS: 

It was after Queen Hela had given birth to twins (a girl and a boy). Well, at first things went very well, but a couple months later, something wasn't right about Koen (The Other). He kept falling asleep on the throne in a very uncomfortable position that would cause him back pain. 

"You should rest, brother. It's not good for your health. And I'm speaking about all three, mental health, psychical health, and emotional health." Loki warned brotherly, which it wasn't all that easy for him to do, but it was part of his healing program he was on, mentally blaming (Reader Name) for signing him up with that. 

"I'm fine." Koen said, standing up, ignoring his backache with a cracking sound. He hid his wince and left the room. 

'You're not fine. You're in pain.' Loki thought to himself. 

During meal times, he sometimes falls asleep with his face in his food, nearly choking on it when he wakes up. "I'm fine. Really." He managed to say. "Don't. Worry. About. Me." 

Thor and Loki looked at each other in a brotherly way, though with worry. They were worried about their sister, their brother-in-law, and their niece and nephew. Something had to be done somehow. But how? 

It had gotten so bad that Koen had to be taken to The Rooms Of Healing to see what's wrong, and get his back back in place. 

"Let me go you crazy man!" Koen screamed in pain with a panicky voice, hugging the column the best that he could, so Loki couldn't drag him any further. 

"You're just as bad as Thor! And you will go and get yourself fix before you hurt yourself!" Loki growled, pulling Koen hard until Koen reluctantly released the column in defeat. 

When they finally arrived at The Rooms Of Healing, they were lead to a safe room for Koen to get himself healed and his bones put back in place. Which it involved letting his spine bones crack while adjusting it. Soon, the throne room had to be shut down until the king and queen were well enough to function.


	12. Prank Gone Wrong

It was Prank Day in Asgard, and the two brothers had a perfect Pranking idea for Hela, but first, one of them had to distract Hela, so the other one could attach The GrandMaster's Obedience Disk to her neck and turn it on. 

"I'll go distract her, and you go put it on." Loki whispered, peeking through the throne room door to see Hela sitting on the throne. 

"Ok." Thor whispered, keeping himself from laughing too loud while Loki went to distract Hela. 

"Oh Look, sister! A ghost from Valhalla! They must have a message for us!" Loki said a little to excited, hyperness in his tone, smiling like a young boy a Yule. 

Hela jumped off the throne room, looking out the window. "Where? Where? I've always wanted to see a Valhalla ghost when I was a toddler! Show the ghost to me, brother!" She said, getting her hopes up too high, not realizing the danger she was in when Thor quickly placed the Obedience Disk on her neck and quickly hid to turn it on. 

Though, the prank reaction they've expected to have didn't happen as Hela was in pain, and managed to come out of it, but with tears and trembling in fear. She couldn't scream. With regret, Thor turned the disk off and Loki took it off from Hela's neck while she wasn't looking. 

What had they done?   
Would their sister ever forgive them as they had forgotten about their pain and suffering back in Sakaar?   
They weren't sure what to do while their sister cried and shook in fear.  
Did they trigger her past that brought back even more pain for her to bear with forever?   
Who knows?   
Only Hela would tell in her own right time, but for now, she needed comfort. 

"Please don't do that again, Thor and Loki. You can prank me, but please don't hurt me again. Ever. Do you hear me, brothers? It hurts. Please on,y funny pranks. Please." Hela plead after calming down a little bit. "Though, I do forgive you two."


End file.
